Addicted to Function( )

Roaring his last

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 03:19:39 GMT

When I heard he had a stroke, I went to the hospital as soon as I could. I saw him there, in the bed, laying up. He looked at me with those blank eyes. He had lost control of half his face..

"Harry?" I said to him, and he continued to stare. I walked into the room. "Harry, do you remember me? It's Jim."

He moved around, as if trying to say something, or gesture. But he couldn't.

I took his hand

"Harry. If you know who I am. Squeeze my hand," I said. And I felt my brother's fingers wrap around mine. He stared at me, his mouth moved as if he was trying to speak. But all he could do was squeeze my hand.
--James Gilbert, recalling his brother's stroke.

As a child, I never had a closeness with my grandfather. It wasn't that he misstreated me, or that we disliked each other. It was simply that we weren't close. He always seemed to have a coldness around me, and I the same for him. I always felt closer to my grandmother. The one memory that I can recall of us actually doing something, was we played a game of war with each other, a card game. I suppose we might have been two different people. I was rambunctious, and a dreamer, and a whiney sort of child. He was a do-it-yourselfer, who loved to get his hands dirty.

I remember alot about him now. Things I had forgotten. He loved to do word searches, and giant jigsaw puzzles. He went to the YMCA every day to go swimming. The once heavyset man lost 90 pounds on diet and excerise, and quit smoking cold turkey in a day. But most of all, he loved building things with his hands.

It wasn't till I was in high school that we actually started to bond. My Aunt Theresa's fence had been knocked down by their horse, and he, in his seventies, wanted to go and fix it by himself. In the hot summer sun, he went up there. After a few days, I was recrutied to help him out. At first, I saw it as a huge burden. I didn't want to go, and certainly didn't want to spend time with him. For the first few days, we didn't talk alot, but as the days progressed, we chatted a bit. About his time in the war, about things in the past. We picked up bottles from the 1920s we found in her yard, cleaned them up and brought them back to thier house. We ate cheese steaks or hogies every day as we worked on that long fence. I wouldn't say that I saw him as a traditional grandfather, but I came to know him as a good friend, something I never had seen him as before.

It was right after his 75th birthday that it started. He'd go out shopping, and then wouldn't come till the night time. My grandmother had no idea where he was going. None of us did. It was soon after that his doctor diagnosed him with Alziemhers.

It wasn't so bad at first. He'd forget things. The word search from the paper that came every day would be blank. His Jigsaw table migrated it's way down into the basement. He stopped going to the YMCA. However, things didn't go down hill till after a surgery to clean out veins in his neck. They were 94% blocked, and if he were not on blood thinners, he would have suffered a stroke. I saw him after the surgery though, and he told me the story of how his brother Harry had a stroke, and the day he went to see him. He held my hand as he told me.

After the surgery, the dimensia kicked in, like a brick. He started saying he saw a body under his bed, that the nurses weren't feeding him, and he even punched out an orderly.

He lost his license, something which hit him hard. He had been a driver for the paper for 30 years. And he watched as they took his grey chevy nova away with grief in his eyes. He would sit in his chair, and watch old movies as loud as the TV would let him. My grandmother treated him like an ailing person, like he would get better. She gave him whatever he wanted. But slowly it ate away at her insides. A diabetic for a good portion of her life, she didn't regulate herself, and slowly her eyesight deteriated. And he started the famous monogram "Oh Henri!", calling out my grandmother's name, at all times and places.

My mother traveled to thier house every day, doing thier bills and bringing them food. But all he could do was reminisce about the past, talk in circles, drink pepsi, and watch old movies. This was about the time that I started college, and I lost track of things that were going on at home, and blame myself alot for it. He couldn't be trusted to remember anything,a dn it was very early on that I suggested that a retirment home might be better for him, after seeing after only two years, what had happened to him.

I watched my blind grandmother try to tend to him, and saw her getting older and older. She wouldn't get a shower for days on end due to worry. I still wish I had talked to her more during this time, blaming myself that there could have been more done.

Soon enough though, it was time. My mother couldn't go there every day any longer, and thusly, we decided that it was time to move them in with us. However, to my grandmother, everything had to be perfect. After the addition was built to thier specs, we still had to find the correct carpeting, the correct paint colors. The correct everything. We moved in both of thier king sized beds. We had a bathroom downstairs so they wouldn't have to try stairs. But things went downhill further.

We had beer in the fridge from a party earlier in the year, and one night my mother caught him drinking it, and then complaining he didn't feel well. He'd guzzle pepsi, tea, or any other sweet drink like it was wine, and when nothing was in the house, he'd pester us all to the point of madness. He'd constantly talk about moving back to the old house to clear it out himself like he did for my great uncle tony's place so many years ago, and whenever he was angry, he'd wonder off into his room, and say he wanted to move back to Ardsley road.

Every time you thought things couldn't get worse, they did. Three weeks ago, he was at the point that he did not know where he was at ever, asking every ten minutes. He slept during the day and was up at night, wondering around and marveling at wonders such as the doors. He kept my mother and grandmother up for hours, and they haven't gotten a decent nights sleep in a long time. He couldn't breath (and he reminded that to us every few minutes), having constantly the need to wear his oxygen mask. A constant want of food and sweets had ballooned him up to 230lbs, and he had become a diabetic.

Watching him, and what he was doing to my grandmother bothered me. I started to look on him as a thing more than a person. An object of resentment, and he could clearly see such was the case. We'd have bouts every once and a while, were something I said set him off. Something I did made him angry. And I was constantly told to take a Lezee-fair attitude reguarding it.

To be honest and truthful, I've spent my past three weeks in a daze. Three weeks ago, my great aunt Dorthy died, one of his sisters. We didn't tell him. But mom asked me to come with her to the funeral, and I did. I saw many people I had never seen as far as I could remember in my life, saying they hadn't seen me since I was in diapers, and more than that said that to my mom. They asked about him, and mom said he was doing "alright", and would explain and re-explain things.

Being there, however, took it's toll. I didn't show it, and honestly it didn't upset me. It was enlightening how such a gathering took place. People weren't just weaping as they show in other funerals, but people were laughing, remenisicing, and overall being cheery. Aunt Dot looked so at peace in her coffin. The service was nice, but the normality of it all, the way it was depicted as a day to day event, for such a large group, frightened me.

I've always thought about death in the back of my mind. What comes after death, what happens after you die. Significance, and most importantly, I've always know that some day, everything will die. But on that day, a few things hit home. I was going to burry my mother, my grandmother, and many people I love today. My grandparents and my mother want to be cremated, however I don't. I don't know what I want to do, but I don't want to be burried alone. thoughts of my blood being drained out and replaced with fermaldihide and sawdust sent unnatural shivers down my spine. That day, my mother and I discussed what we wanted at our funerals, and what we wanted as last wishes. But I suppose the idea of death, dying, being burried and forgotten frightened me. But I didn't show it.

Over the course of the past three weeks, I've dove into distractions. Videogames, card games, anything to get my mind off of such thoughts. I'd go to work like a zombie, simply moving from one thing to the next with whatever came my way. I'd do what I was told, and forget about it. nothing stuck.

When I'd get home, I'd play something or other till my eyes bled in the wee hours of the morning, then spend the whole next day thinking of it. I'd come home, eat dinner, then go upstairs and play something. Such was life.

Two weeks ago, he started something strange. His eyes would close, and he'd be dreaming in a sense, but still awake and talking. He just seemed so tired. Upon a visit with his doctor, he suggested that he be immediately taken to the hospital. We were told he had congestive heart failure, and he didn't have much time left. He had agreed to a DNR and did not want to be kept alive by extraordinary measures, as his brother was. My mother has been going back and fourth from the hospital every day.

Over the past week he became so weak that he couldn't even feed himself, and mom and gram would go there and help him drink the vitamin shakes they gave him.

During this time, for me, life remained in a daze. I went on with life as nesseciary. He had spent so much time in a confused state, that, I felt it was better if he passed on. I didn't really think that, when I reflect on it. I thoght that he'd get better, and probably end up in a retirement home. But as the enevitable came around, mom said that I should see him one more time, and so we went.

He still lay there in the bed, his eyes fluttering. He was asleep but awake, and could only manage small words. They had restrained him, as he tried to get out of bed several times. His oxygen mask was on. It was chilling, but I still felt neutral to it all. I watched my mother feed him, putting the straw in the shake and putting it into his mouth. During this, I wondered the futility, why was she doing this? I couldn't make sense of any of it.

Till Gram held his hand. She said to him "Jim, if you an hear me, squeeze my hand".

And it all came to me. Everything. My eyes started to water, and all the contempt, the anger I felt turned in a heartbeat to sadness and guilt. He didn't want to go out like his brother Harry, but he bearly had the energy to breath. "Help me breath" he said weakly "Let me loose. I want to go home." Most of his sentences were half spoken, so lost of energy he was.

And as I watched my mother feed him, it occured to me how much she loved him. The past seven years don't account for the 75 before it. And my heart sank.

I held his hand, and squeezed it. He didn't squeeze back. I couldn't talk as I said goodbye to him for the last time. I told him good bye. I was so lost as to what to say that I told him to get better soon.

Now, one of my regrets is that I don't remember the last time I said that I loved him, and now I never will get the chance again.

As I wrote this, James R. Gilbert passed away at 8:15 pm. I loved him so much. I know wherever he is, he's in a better place, but I wish he knew how sorry I was for not knowing him better, and for treating like something he wasn't for so long.

He was my grandfather.

Gone is FF7

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 03:23:43 GMT

Recently, a friend of mine got into Final Fantasy. She got 10, and asked me what was good. I told her 7-9 were excellent. Which they are. I felt she was more of a 8 or 9 type of person, but told her that 7 was epic in of itself, because it is.

It was my first real RPG, and probably was what sponsored the want to beg into game design.

However, to my suprise, all three games were not at the EB she went to. Searching the website produced nothing at EB, gamestop, or best buy. Only Walmart and Target had Final Fantasies for PS1, and neither of them had Final Fantasy 7. After Dirge of Cerberus and Advent Children coming out this year, I cannot believe that they are not producing FF7. I seriously can't.

This bothers me quite a bit, in a few ways. 1. I've always believed that we're at a point in our society were you can find anything if you look right. Movies old and new are reporduced all the time, and you can find virtually any show, no matter if it was canceled or not, -somewhere-. Now I know that there are services that allow you to play legacy games (like gametap), but still. It's freaking FF7. One of the great games.

But it also got me thinkin. I'm willing to pour myself into project after project. Projects I hope would become poular and sucessful. But would that be the fate of work? To die in obsurity?

I've considered alot of video games to be like books. Granted, not all of them would make a worthwhile read as a book (yes, tommy versetti shot yet -another- person), but alot of them are stories, pure and simple, especially RPGs. I've always hoped to elevate gameplay to that level of respectablity, to be seen as stories just as movies and shows are. Not just for kids, but not necssarily just for adults. Yet, to see one of the "great games" go out is like seeing someone take a book off the printing press for good.

I'm sure we'll see the FF7 again. It's one of square's more popular games. I don't know if they are going to redo it, but it's popularity, even after ten years, can't be denied.

Still
Food for thought.

I'm gonna go play 12.

Oh yeah, got a job, won at magic, lost at magic, yada yada. I'm sure you're not interested

102 Fucks

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 04:10:07 GMT

Approximately anyway.

Tonight was the Lois Black Concert, adn give or take say 15 (being caught up in the jokes and loosing real track after 60), I finally arived at 102. Not bad for an hour and a half.

I have to say that he was extremely funny tonight, and I'm glad that I went to see him rather than the release tournament. There were some jokes I already heard, but even when brewer was there last year, I remembered seeing old jokes from him that I saw when he was on premium blend.

A personal favorite I had was the following:
"Any time you're in vegas, or any place you gamble, go and take a 100 dollars, and get it in quarters. Then, go to your hotel room, and start flushing them down the toliet.

Sometimes the toliet backs up, and then you feel like a winner!"

One thing that suprised me was the amount of people that left. Even though he was foul mouthed (which I actually didn't notice. That was another thing that made it hard to count) , which could get out alot of the...say alumni that came, I saw alot of the young kids leaving. Perhaps some of the stuff was hard hitting, and perhaps some of it was stuff conservatives wanted to hear, or perhaps some of them wanted to get back earily and get drunk.

But I was supriseed when he backed it up himself, saying that people were leaving. It made me kinda sad. I mean he was funny, and granted, there was some people who wouldn't like what he was saying, but it was suprising how many it actually was. But I liked the ending that he did, were he just read the two news articles.

"Woman almost bites husband's penis off while he was making pancakes"

And the one that got the most laughs

"Hippo swallows Dwarf"

Hysterical.

The night was a good night to laugh, but I'm glad in what he ended. Which was to persue your dreams while in college, and to not be too conservative in my youth. He said to persue your dreams, and make them your nyears, not adult years, and don't let them tell you that "you can't". And said "If you follow your dreams, even if you don't make it to them, it'll point you in the right direction". It actually ment alot for him to say to persue your dreams, I don't know why. You hear it all the time, but I suppose he's a role model to me. He also said that if anyone saw him as a role model, that they should go and take a look at a box of wheaties.

Anyway, it was an excellent night. Even if I didn't go to the tourneyment.

YEF!

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 04:31:44 GMT

So, I went to magic tonight. I had just spent the week trying to figure out a deck for myself, and we created it on thursday. John and I discussed it, and it was a bit different from what I orrigoinally planned out. But, I was semi happy about it. I was happy with it, but was unsure of it, so that made me a bit iffy.

I praticed my hand when I got home last night, and worked on some stragities, but I was stil unsure. Blah.

But when I got there, I think my confidence was a bit boasted.

I lost my first game, which got me down. I was mana starved. Blah. Then, second game same thing. I was mana starved, and I was also outmatched I suppose. I was building my own deck, the guy I played had his built by the guy who always wins. Generlally ungood for me.

The thrid one I won. I wanna be humble, but things went well. Went bery well. The cards folded out the way I wanted, and it was awesome. I won those two games, and it was great.

The last game was ok. The guy was really nice, and really organized. I actually envy his organization. He basically had a deck with a simlar idea to mine, lots of creature creation. Cept he did his bettter. I took mental notes on how he did it and will modify my deck, but I think I did good. He even complemented me on my deck creation. The only big problme I had with his deck was that he had an enchantment to tap my creatures, making them useless. Combined with his token creation, he basically tapped all of my big creatures. Blah.

But it was fun playing, and I feel alot better about my deck. And I won the random card :) I can't play the card, but I still got a foiled card. After noticing a good card and commenting on it, someone gave me two of them for free. For free! Awesome I tell you, awesome.

Today, I also bought a few cards, a few card holders, and a few mechs he had on sale. I'm a sucker for mechs. I even found a hatchetman for a buck.

So today is a good day. I can't wait till monday to sort out my deck, figure out what happened, and figure out what to add to it to make it better. So awesome.

A busy summer

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 05:07:36 GMT

So, you might ask yourself "How's the Frost? What's he been up to?"

And frankly, the answer is "I have no idea"

Lacking a job at the end of the school year, I was offered one by Prof. Yoon to assist John in the Computer Lab. I've been working there since May, and it's looking like it's going to be drying up soon, with me still without a perminant job. I've got a few things that are temps afterwards, but very little. I think the most depressing part of all this is that lest I move, I most likely will not find what I want to do here. Game design has been a passion for as long as I remember actually thinking about what I wanted to do. I think it was 5th or 6th grade when I saw a thing on game design, and that's what I wanted to do. I'm thinking over trying to get my masters somewhere, to see if I can get into game design that way. I wouldn't mind normal computer work, except I know how bad it can be at times.

Admin Server is a good example. I've heard recently that the dream job every Widener Student could fall back on was turning into a nightmare of epic proportions. People pulling heavy shifts getting shit done, pulling 9-11 work shifts. Programming is fun, but its not worth that. 14 hours infront of a computer programming rots your brain.

Anyway, my time with John has been great, as far as I can see. We've gotten a bit done. Not much, but not a little. I think we both agree that we would like to be farther ahead in our plans, but a combination of Yana's projects, combined with our own sitting around created a bit of a struggle. See, things were going well in June, we were getting lots done. But at the end of June, we hit a snag. Over the 4th's holiday, John got bangged up bad in a motorbike accident, and from there, were lost track, big time. Though he was out in only a few days, it sent quite a few ripples in how we mentally handled things. It just threw us off course.

The lab has never been better. We just got 23 new computers, and they're not taking the old ones. We've allocated where everything goes, and with the new rooms, we'll be like a real computer lab. Also, we're replacing our Windows Server with a Samba Server, which is a linux machine for serving windows files. So far, it has tested awesome, but we still have major bugs to get out. We also worked on getting a new Linux Kernel up, which proved more trouble then one would ever imagion it to be, but after around 20 attempts at it, we finally got a stable 2.6.13 kernel running.

We also got a new laser printer, the AIBO Robot, many posters, and a digital camera. Buncha cool stuff. However, for the past few months, things have been going slow. After John's accident, we've been caught with setback after setback.

The other major distraction was Yana, one of the teachers. she has a forensics class, and an independant study with the AIBO robot (we got a robot dog), and has bugged us on a vast amount of projects to get them done. And in doing such has made us lost track of our work with Samba. So much so, that after all our work in figuring it out, we are left to try to figure it all out again. Its been a month since we really worked with samba. That's not good for a new system. But we're hoping that tommarrow we can finish it up, and then work on the final ghosting to get all the clients running.

But like I said, my time with John has been great. Almost a dream job, I'd say. I go in every day, and we can just talk, about anything. From sci-fi shows we seen, to Family guys, anything. Its really hysterical. He has a similar wierd sense of humor that I do, and he's very easy to make laugh, which is good for me. Not many of my jokes are good.

He recently got me into....yeah. Magic. I can't believe it myself. Its a game I swore I wasn't going to play, but you know, We're going on 7 weeks without D&D. I need to get my geek on god damn it. So, I've been in one tourney, and lost pretty good. But I'm alright. I'm working on making my own deck, and bugging john about more magic stuff. I'm learning more each day, and its becoming quite interesting to think about it all. I'm wondering where it will place amongst the giant amount of side hobbies I have, but hopefully it will find its place without taking too much out of my wallet (those cards are expensive).

This summer has been an odd one, to say the least. It doesn't eel like summer to me, as really, it doesn't strike me as summer. The weather is hot and sticky, but in yet, I haven't been playing D&D, I haven't been catching alot of shows, lots of things.

I have more to talk about. I forgot completely about Play! A videogame concert that I went too, which I luckily made a write up of that I cam eback. I'll have to post it soon. But for now, I think I did alot. See you all soon.

Oh, and if you read this, email me or something. I'm fucking bored out of my skull.

The End

Wed, 10 May 2006 19:22:41 GMT

So, this is it. This is the end.

This is my last broadcast from a Widener Dorm. I know I haven't updated this thing that often, but still, feels right to commemorate this some how. In theory, I should be graduating. Thought I'm taking classes in the fall, I won't be living here. From here in, its basically "Good bye Widener"

This is the end of a chapter in my life. I just say a chapter, because I don't know if its good or bad.

I'm glad for all the people I've met and become friends with, I'm glad for my education, and I'm glad for the expriences I had. I'm glad to have cast off the "High School Mentality" of the world, and I'm glad for all the good times I've had.

But, there were plenty of bad things, and bad habbits I picked up. Bad vibes and bad times. Looking back on some things, it seems so easy now. What was I thinking?

This semester, I think, was a relative disappointment. The year generally was too, I think. Yeah, I had alot of fun, but reflecting on some of the classes I took and things I learned, I wonder if this part was worth it. I wish I could do my senior year over, from start.

I'll miss this place, sort of. It has been my home for the past 4 years. I don't think I'll miss the food, the red tape, or the crap assignments. Beginning of this year, I was scared of the real world. Now I'm ready to embrace it, and I'm being held back.

Ironic huh?

I'd just like to thank everyone who made my time at widener wonderful. Brad, Dan, Christina, Jeff, Jason, Belinda, Lisa, Bob Stott, Darren, Matt, other Matt, Ben, John, Prof. Castaldo, Kara, Scott, Brian, other John, other other John, Adrian, Ria, Abby, Kim, Mallochburger, Bill, Brian, Stevo, other Jason, Jacob, Lauren, Becky, Sean, Sam and even Chris.

Thanks everyone.

From Sharples 127, this is Dan. Signing off.

See you on the flip side mission control.

"Preacher told me once, can't do somethin smart, do somethin right" ~Jayne

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 04:58:15 GMT

I hopped on the bandwagon for firefly late, seeing it on sci-fi. But after seeing it only once, I was definately into it. So as the days passed on, I got more excited about the movie. Hell, I've ben able to tell the date for the past week because I knew that friday was the 30th.

Today was a bitch of a day. Most nothin went right. And after waiting to see the movie for so long, it seemed like I wasn't going to see it today. I was kinda bummed

But then John told me that he was being 'forced' to see it. Luckily, I was able to hitch a ride with them, and we saw it at 10:10 showing.

It was awesome. And I was suprised not only at home many people were there, but also by how many people actly laughed at the jokes from the show. It was a good movie, and I'm very happy I saw it.

Spider Catchin!

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 02:52:09 GMT

So, I'm in the bathroom, and suddenly this little spider comes down from the ceiling. Its really small, like its body couldn't have been bigger than....I don't know, one of these periods (if looking at it from 800x600). So, I take the little fella on the handel of my brush, and coax him out the window.

Now, as a kid, I was bitten pretty badly by a wolf spider. It swelled up my entire arm. I got so arachniphobic that I wouldn't share a tent with a spider. It was bad. But over the years, and with a few changes to self, I find they still kinda creep me out, but I do opt to take them out of the house rather than killing them. (A big step up from having other people kill them before I got in).

In any case, I go back into my room, and I'm typing. Another little one drops down from my ceiling. "Odd" I said to myself, so I caught that one, and did the same.

So I go to work and come back, and when I get into my room again, I notice a little spider hanging onto my monitor for dear life. I bring him to the outside too.

Now, at about this time its occuring to me. A spider laid its eggs somewhere, and they're hatching. I thought it might have been in my room for a minute, but it didn't explain the one in the bathroom. They were REALLY small.

So, I go into the bathroom again, and I see another one on the window. I look carefully up where I saw the orrigonal one, and what do I see? There is five of them hanging from the ceiling and seven of them crawling around. So, my giant liberal heart goes down and gets a tupperware container, and attempts to go spider catchin.

For those of you that don't know, Baby spiders are like kids. Smarter than you think they'd be, and doing everything you don't want them to.

I get one into the tupperware container, and then a second. I'm about to put on the lid and one of them is around the ring. after blowing on him, and then finally coaxing him along with a pencil, I get him into there, and the other one is on the lip on the other side. This process repeated several times before I got them both into there and closed the lid. I used a cup to collect the rest of the hangers, resulting in the same problem as the tupperware container. Whenever I wanted them to go down, they'd come up. Whenever I'd coax them with the pencil, they'd get on the pencil, and start to climb up. Put them on the lid, they'd go out of the cup.

I finally caught four in the cup, and released them all outside. The others stopped moving. From what I can tell, I think a spider laid its egg sac in our air ducts. Since we turned on the airconditioning, the spiders started flowing through the house. They collected near that one spot because there is only one airvent in the bathroom.

Fun huh?

The most dangerous thing I've ever done

Sun, 29 May 2005 03:13:16 GMT

The other day, I did the most dangerous thing I've ever done. I disassembled a TV. Now you're saying "That doesn't sound so dangerous", but the fact of the matter is that a TV is one of the most dangerous things to dissassemble. Due to the charge of the capacitors, if you hit something wrong, you can fry. I also conseqentially risked doing the third most dangerous thing I've ever done. Incur the wraith of my mother. But thats not that uncommon. So now the story of WHY I dissassembled the TV...

Ever since I got home, I've been working hard around the house. Things need to be cleaned up and moved out, because my grandparents are moving in soon. We're getting the addition redone, and I'm loosing my back window. It peeves me a bit, but what can you do?

I've been going through alot of my old stuff. And I've been working as best as I can (though my mother is paniced. "They'll be here in a month, do you realize they'll be here in a month? We'll never get it done!"). So, my pack rat days are over. Boxes are going out, and the donate pile has been getting larger.

But anyway, my broken TV was downstairs. I wanted to make it into a goldfish bowl, but I never got around to it. This, combined with her pessamism about it, made me believe the same thing. However, the night came for it to be thrown out. Mom went upstairs and gave me the instruction to throw the stuff out in the addition. She didn't mention that all parts of the things had to go out.

So, I was out there, and decided to take it apart. Phase one was sucessful.

Now, the history behind this TV. This TV is an old Sylvannia. It was one of my mother's first TVs, and it was passed to me. It has two dials, and manual volume. It even has a wood finish. That was then given to me as my first TV. I had it since 1995. I remember messing with the anteni on it, and it being the best damn thing ever when I was in 5th grade. When I finally got domain over a VCR and Cable, I was a taping machine. I watched countless movies, shows, educational things and 911. The TV ment alot to me. And I've always wanted fish.

So, the next morning, a circuit board and a tube where sitting out on the front lawn. And guess who noticed? I think she went out there to look to make sure it all came out.

But now a frame of a TV is sitting in the addition. Its quite light. Phase one complete

Now for some tests.

You scored as Chewbacca.

</td>

Chewbacca

78%

Darth Vader

72%

Clone Trooper

72%

Anakin Skywalker

69%

General Grievous

67%

R2-D2

64%

Yoda

61%

Obi Wan Kenobi

56%

C-3PO

56%

Mace Windu

44%

Padme Amidala

39%

Emperor Palpatine

33%

Which Revenge of the Sith Character are you?
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Rawr

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't search around and look for the "coolest" book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.

"Sensors are composite infrared, seismic, and magnetic-anomaly systems to detect potential threats."-Mechcommander tatical interface user's manual

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Dan
Birthday:	March 24, 1984
Birthplace:	Philadelphia
Current Location:	Springfield PA, in my room
Eye Color:	Shit Brown
Hair Color:	Shit Brown
Height:	Shit brown....Opps. 5'10 I think
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right Handed
Your Heritage:	Italian/Irish
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Shitkickers
Your Weakness:	Peer Pressure, puppy dog eyes, and editing
Your Fears:	Zombies, fear of failure
Your Perfect Pizza:	Cheese, pepperoni, or mushroom
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Get some stories written
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	"interesting"
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Am I awake?
Your Best Physical Feature:	Beard
Your Bedtime:	When the eyes close
Your Most Missed Memory:	I can't remember
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	MacDonalds
Single or Group Dates:	Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Brisk
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Choclate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Sierra Mist
Do you Smoke:	Nope
Do you Swear:	Fuck Yes
Do you Sing:	Badly
Do you Shower Daily:	Yes
Have you Been in Love:	Yes
Do you want to go to College:	Already there, but if you're offering, I'll go again
Do you want to get Married:	Yes
Do you belive in yourself:	Yes
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Nope
Do you think you are Attractive:	Maybe
Are you a Health Freak:	A bit
Do you get along with your Parents:	Sometimes
Do you like Thunderstorms:	BOLT 3 MUDDA FUGGA!
Do you play an Instrument:	Procussion
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Nope
In the past month have you Smoked:	Nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Sort of
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	You just made me sad
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	More sad
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	Nope
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Nope
In the past month have you been on Stage:	Nope
In the past month have you been Dumped:	Nope
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No comment
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Nope
Ever been Drunk:	Nope
Ever been called a Tease:	Sort of
Ever been Beaten up:	Yep. Once when I was 13. A gang of 5 about 5 years older than I was broke me arm
Ever Shoplifted:	Nope
How do you want to Die:	In Disneyland. If I have a terminal illness, I wanna go there, and jump into a machine and totally screw it up. Either I will be the first person to die in Disney, or I'll be alive till they clean me up. Though, I'd prefer in my sleep
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Superhero or Game programmer
What country would you most like to Visit:	Italy
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	green
Favourite Hair Color:	red
Short or Long Hair:
Height:	If I could get a date, I wouldn't be picky
Weight:	?
Best Clothing Style:	Smart ass shirt
Number of Drugs I have taken:	1
Number of CDs I own:	Music: around 20-30. Computer: 200
Number of Piercings:	0
Number of Tattoos:	0
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	2
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Thats enought for today.

As usual. Maybe I'll add more.

An update for updates

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 03:16:31 GMT

Well, Here's to my first update in a few months.

The 24th came, and the 24th went. I'm the big 21 now, but I don't feel any different.

I didn't get the job as an RA. I was told my communcation skills needed to be improved (she got my hopes up, and splat! Down)

So I've gone back to hating the system.

I've found a roomate, named Pat. He's a pretty cool guy. We met at the Special interest housing meeting. He's an engineer, and we're going to live in Sharples again. I forgot to ask if he smokes, which he does. But I'll learn to deal. If it becomes a large problem, I'll figure something out. (And yes. I know I've always been a pansy when it comes to smoke, so don't remind me).

In other big news, the play that I'm in, The oddesy, conflicted with my trip to NCUR. That hit me quite hard, and I got really depressed about it. For about a week, I tried to get out of the play any way that I could. Mentally, I thought to myself "I'd break my leg right now to go to NCUR." Two days later, I eventually came to terms with it, and decided to do my best.

And then Last friday, I lost my voice. Horribly. Oh cruel fates of Irony! During the course of the week, I had a bad case of allergies which just kept getting worse and worse. After our D&D game on Thursday, my throat was burnning something fierce, and then on friday, I couldn't talk.

Friday's pratice was interesting, as was Sunday's. But after going to the doctor and finding out I had a sinus infection, I got pumped up on drugs, and I'm feeling much better. My voice has gotten much better, and that only started yesterday (ironic once again. I had just emailed the director that I wasn't sure that I could talk that well.).

I think I started feeling better about it when I found out that I was just about on the same page as everyone else, and that it was just as large of an inconvience to me as it was to everyone else. Other people have Godspell, senior project, and the Shakespear festival. Misery loves company?

I think that we'll do good. We have our first show tommarrow, and I'll be missing the senior project presentations.

I've come to the conclusion that my life is ruled by irony. Knowing this information, one might think that you can rule it. But really, having your life ruled by irony only leads to one thing. Its like knowing the cause to the diease. All you can do is get used to it, and smile it off.
In the past few weeks, there has been a multitude of events that are extremely ironic. I should list them, but I feel in too much of a good mood to try that. Perhaps tommarrow.

The biggest news I have lately is that I've given up WOW. Uninstalled the bitch from my computer. HA! It'll take atleast 4 hours to install, so that helps prevent any small relapse from me.

Suprisingly, its been good. I've been clean for almost two weeks. I had a relapse today, where I scanned the fourms something bad, but before that, I was good. Food tastes better, air smells cleaner (sort of. The day after I quit was the days my allergies started acting up.), and things...piled the fudge up. Why didn't I do this crap in the weeks before it was due?! Hell if I know! No. I do know. Fugging game.

Anyway, after seeing that finals were in a few weeks, I saw the need to quit the game. I needed to salvage my life, and try to get good grades. I think I'm doing better, but physics is going to be gotten by with the skin on my teeth. The guild broke up on account of someone, and so I saw it as my time to leave. The second in command of my old guild remade a new one in the old one's image, and its pretty cool. I hope I can join when I make my comeback. Sometime. Its going to be tragic..and cool.

Ya notice stuff when you aren't addicted to things. Like time. Time starts to fall into place when you aren't staring into an idiot box for hours on end. You notice things, like events coming soon, and appointments, and that class started 5 minutes ago and you should go to it. And...life seems...so normal. But good way normal. Like a nitch that hasn't been filled, and its good to be back.

Though some may argue that I did try to talk too much when I was sick, I have found lately now that my voice has come back, that I'm saying too much. I'm getting myself into trouble by blabbing. Perhaps I'm going to "pratice" being sick whenever I'm in public. A man is sometimes judged by what he doesn't say rather than what he says. Maybe its just the anticipation. Like me yelling to the world, "HEY! I CAN FUGGING TALK! LISTEN TO ME!" And if you saw someone running down the street yelling that, you'd punch them. So now you know my dilema.

So, moving on, I've volunteered to do a bit of work in Godspell, since I'm here. I collected tickets Tuesday and today. It was awesome on both days. And a true inspirtation to everything. It really moved me, and made me think about lots of things. I'm not very religious...but its made me wanna pick up the bible...maybe. I feel better about some things, but feel..that I need to do more. But the actors are just grat. They really bring the story out very well, and it almost brought the director to tears the opening night.

I'm running low on type juice...Think I'll update this later.

Clarrification

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 23:52:56 GMT

After a few hours to brood on the topic, I figured I'd come back and add some clarity to the previous post. I didn't replace it, because I feel that preliminary thoughts are important to how I feel. So lets start from the top. I actually let this sit over night on my computer, and then it sat longer afterwords. I thought I might clarify where I've been, and whats been going on with me lately.

This morning I went to Writing class. I got my half done paper back today, and it turns out the teacher seemed to like it. Its kinda my first attempt at Science fiction, and I fear I might have made the beginning too long. I shall finish it up, and probably shorten the beginnning. It was only a rough draft.

After that, I went to the lab. Today seemed rather busy, so I figured I'd go get something to eat at 10:30 (as that is when lunch opens) and do the minor things I needed to do before my class at 11. Enter Professor Lysko, A founding member of the Widener Computer Science program, who laid out ciriculum 20 years ago...which for some reason we still seem to follow.

Anyway, we have some high school students coming in and taking a tour, and he wanted to check on a few things. Apparently, a program that he used wasn't working. I figured it was because of our Slack Distro upgrade, and it probably wasn't an included package. After about 15-20 minutes fiddling around and trying to find his program, I ended up downloading it. I told him "I'm sorry, but I don't want to install this, because I'm unsure of what it can do. It'll be easier if youw ait for us." He wanted it done on Monday. A Pigs ass to want something done on monday when its a Friday.

Then he wants to install it on his account. I figure the worse he could do is just screw up his own profile. So I coppied it to his directory, and found that the program was acting screwey. There was a procedure I did that I should have only been able to do as su. I'm not going to reveal what it is for secruity measures, but needless to say it shouldn't have happened.

Now is a good time to mention that most computer scientists are predisposed to patterns. When we do something, we expect an outcome that we've predetermined. That guy cursing in the corner? His program isn't acting like he predicted it should. That guy reinstalling his computer? His computer isn't acting the way it should. When we run a command, we expect a outcome. Thats why we did what we did.

So anyway, he installs it, I think, but it doesn't work or something. Its going on 10:45, and I'm getting hungry. I excuse myself, and run down to UC to get meself a sammich. Good one too. But when I get back, I'm running on 11:05. However, step two.

When I get in, Prof. Nevlin stops me, an tells me that mtools isn't working (a program used for floppy stuffs). We had it working last week, and now its not. Then we find out that another program running off the server isn't working correctly. This is mucho fishy.

So, after class, I go and run to do my little things I have to do. I have a meeting with my creative writing prof, and I wanna get there and get it done. I get those done, and the meeting with him was pretty preductive.

So, I get back to the lab at 1:00, because I'm on duty. There are more computer problems, and its looking real fishy. I'm not going to go into details, but needless to say, these things shouldn't have been happening, as we've had them checked over many a times.

I tried installing Grimlock, our newest computer, and it seemed to also be going fishy...right off the install disks. Meh. He'll get done soon enough. But at 2:00, I didn't feel like going to Software Engineering, and ditched hoping to help out in the lab. Got side tracked though, and ended up making a background. I also didn't get to turn in my time sheets.

Then came the play time. My day was ok, but it drug itself out. And I wasn't in a particular mood today for the play, but you can't just take off. Now, I'm no seasonsed actor, like alot of the people I work with here. Lisa, the director, is giving directions left and right, but wants us to work with it ourselves, and be a integral part of the process. I'm used to the Senkow approach of "Do it this way. Now!", so this was new on me. When she'd say one thing, I'd be thinking over doing it that way, and while thinking of it, miss what she said next. It put me in a few uncomfortable posstions.

Not to mention being a bit uncomfortable already. I play the generic person in the crew. I don't really have a role. My lines are those marked "Sailor". I'm the only one though. Everyone else has a secondary job playing another character. I don't mind this, it just makes it a bit awkward for me, as there are points where I don't have anything to say, but I have to move while everyone else is doing lines. There were many times that I felt like an ass.

Now, to top off my day, while at dinner, I hear something about Y100, my favorite radio station since I was in 8th grade, having changed its format via Clear Channel Radio, the assholes who are trying to own all the radio stations in the city. This has me disgrunted and upset. The only station that played alternative rock in Philidelphia was gone, and I was very upset.

Getting back to my room, I call my mom, because we were going to see "Cukoo's nest", just to check in with her. She asked how I was doing, and I said that I was "depressed". She then asked why, and I told her, because of the radio station.

She then screams at me about how I had her worried, and that she thought it was about grades or something, and that I shouldn't upset her like this. This is the point were I started to cry.

there are three primary reasons why I probably got so upset.
1. I called her expecting some sort of sympathy, and getting the complete opposite was a shock to the system.
2. It hurt to think that in all the time that she's known me, she doesn't know that the radio station was a big part of my life
3. That the things in my life don't matter. Just grades and other things are the only things to worry about.

That, combined with my day, created the outburst that happened. Fun stuff. She said something then to the likes of that there are alot of points that I didn't get upset, and then this was one of them. No idea how to take that. After finishing arranging the times to meet her, we hung up, and I wated.

Then my roomate came in, and saw me the way I was. He really is a great guy. Though I should have said something to the likes of "Nothing is wrong. I'll be ok" when he asked what was the matter, I pouted out something about the radio station. He then started to joke around and say things that made me feel alot better. He has a way of putting a smile on my face.

Anyway, me and mom then went to go see the play, and it was really, really good. Dan was excellent in it, and the rest of the cast had me cracking up all night. I wish that wasn't second to last showing. I would have gone to see it again.

During intermission, I had a thought about the radio station. They are hosting themselves on a free radio station, and it occured to me. We can do something like that in the lab! It would be awesome! I'll detail some of the plans to come, as things progress, but its such a cool idea!

So then comes to today. The REAL today, which is the 25th. Like I said, I wrote some yesterday, and then some today.

Now, dispite what happened yesterday, you might ask yourself, why is he happy? Because I did something good today.

It was about 11 o'clock when I finally rolled out of bed saturday morning, and I was feeling alright. I got a shower, and got dressed, and was on the computer, browsing the internet, when Dan came in. He said that Moll was flooded, and they needed all the hands they could get to help carry things out. I finished getting dressed, put on my work boots, and rushed over there.

The place was a litteral disaster area, as clean up crews were working frantically to get everything out. What really happened is a bit conviluted right now, but what is known is that a toliet broke on the third floor, and nobody noticed/reported it. Now, whats so conviluted? I've heard things from it jsut being broke, to someone having pulled it off. And the damage it did was extensive

Alot of people showed up to help out, which was really good. I didn't know anyone in Moll, and neither did alot of other people. We were there just to help out.

I've been in Moll before, so it was somewhat familar to me. However, when going in there this time, absolutely nothing was familar. The carpets had been ripped up, and all the ceiling tiles had been pulled out. The place literally looked like a sloshy construction zone, as crews were wroking dilligently to get it all out. People were scattered, trying to bring ou thier items in crumby plastic bags, pulling them out to awaiting cars.

It was almost haunting to see the place like that, like seeing the the skeleton of someone after thier flesh was ripped off. It was reallly hecktic. I remember one girl came up to us, and said her boyfriend was in Harrisburg, and he had no idea that the place was flooded, and she was looking to get into his room. Campus saftey wondered around the rooms, helping anyone they could, and A few of the Fraternities were helping bring thier brethren over to thier dorms. We already had a housing shortage on campus, and this made it much, much worse.

I helped three people today. the RA on the first floor needed help getting her things out. She left a large collection of assorted full perfumes ontop of her dresser. Something interesting she said was that they were for show, which surprised all the guys that were helping her out. She said that she would get double packs of the stuff, and that she'd use one, and put the other in her collection. I get a 5 pack of deoderant at a time. I'll tell you that when one gets used up, the other 4 will follow suit until there are none left.

The second person who I helped apparently wasn't there that night. She came in, and didn't even have her keys when she got there. Her roomate wasn't there at all, which confused me slightly, but who knows. Me and another guy helped her gather up her things, and carry tme out to her VERY small Lancer. She had a lot of thigns that she wanted to move, and we dilligently picked them up and brought them out. She had so much, that we actually had to fill up her friend's car too.

Now, I don't have alot in my room. It'd take a while for me to pack it all in, but there was ALOT of clothes that she had us put into her car. Alteast three trashbags full. I started to wonder about this, then I recalled my roomate's wardrobe. Meh.

After we helped her, me and the other guy went out seperate ways. She gave us her phone number, and told us to call her and she'd hook us up with some beer. I'm not sure what to do now, because I'm not a drinker. =snicker=

I then helped one more person carry a computer out to the frat truck. then it seemed that just about everyone was out of the place, and no one needed help.

I was about to leave Moll, when the girl I helped move her stuff out came back. She said that she'd need help getting all the things out, considering how much time it took ot get them all in. It took a long time because we had to get it all down two stories. However, getting it all into the other house only took about 10-15 minutes, but I was winded.

when I went to dinner, my jacket was soaked in sweat. but I felt good. really good. I suppose there is something to the addage that manual labor can be rewarding, and I felt bery rewarded.

I wanted to comment on other stuff that has happened to me recently, but I suppose I'll save that for another time. Catch you all later. Same bat time, same bat channel.

Down with Walmart

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 00:01:13 GMT

My mom is a teamster, so often, we're told about Walmart, and other large conglomerate corperations, and how we should ot buy from them, as they are ruining local business in our areas. I try to follow the banner, but If I really needed something, Walmart was close.

No longer.

I will not buy anything from a conglomerate, and I will not listen to monopolies. I will not use any tools of the conglomerate with the acception of TV (Which all in the local area is comcast, and this is only until I find a better solution).

Why is this? Because 2/24/05 was the day that Alternative Rock died in Philidelphia.

100.3 has been leased out to Y100 for over 12 years. In that time, they have become a culture center in Philidelphia. Being one of three major rock stations, Y100 represented the newest and alternatives in Rock. Not only did they act as an introduction to new music, but they did alot for the community, running two major shows each year, the FEASTivil and the FEZtival, which rased money for charities and they also did Camp out for Hunger every year. They helped hundreds of local bands get thier rise to startdom, and we considered the premiere edge in local music. I used to listen to the Preston, Maryln and Steve show every morning while in High school, and they helped me pass the lonely times in the Basement of UBM. When I got into my Grandmother's Car for the first time (as the title was being passed to me), The first thing I did was turned the dial to 100.3

Y100 was the 7th most popular station in the delware valley, and in philidelphia. And Clear channel, yesterday, in an apparent suicide of god knows what, started broadcasting Rap. There are no DJs, just rap.
I can't get reception well in College, else I would have heard this yesterday and not just today. The Congomerate didn't like how they were doing things, so they decided to change them. No other reason then that (A friend told me it was clear channel, but I'm so confused right now).

It would make sense if Clear Channel did it, as They own WYSP, which, though awesome when they started, became a crap fest of posing. The only rock station that I will listen too in Philidelphia now is WMMR, one of the hugest radio stations ever, with a proud span of 30 years. Preston and Steve (Marylin dropped out a few years back) are starting thier show in August there, but it makes me so sad. I do like MMR, but sometimes I just wanna listen to what I do.

Almost every radio I have is set to Y100. It feels so strange to have to change them all.

I called my mom. I love her, I do, but when I told her I was depressed, and she asked me why, when I told her, she came down on me that that was the least of my worries, and she thought I was failing classes or something like that. I broke into tears. And then she went on me how there are more things in life to cry about.

The roomate came in too. One of the few times I see him, an dI'm all teary eyed. I explained to him too. Now I feel like a fool. Though he did make me smile.

So, you may ask yourself, why does it matter so much? Why get this upset about it?

Something that probably no one knows about me, is how important a role music has had on my life. It is litterally one of the greatest factors that shapes my world. The music I listen to is almost the fuel for my soul. A song stuck in my head can influence my mood, and I use it the most in ideas I come up with.

Music is my muse. When I need to think, when I need to cool off, when I want to create, I listen to music, or have a song that is in my head. For almost all the things I have written, there was a song that came with it, which influenced how the piece came out, and sometimes even influenced specific parts within the story. Sometimes I'll even take something out of a song (A lyric or something) and incorperate it into my works or stories. I used to sit around for hours, staring at walls, just listening to music.

Music almost makes my mind function, as things in my head play out to a song. Its almost odd and pecuilar (then again, I'm no bastion of normality).

The biggest source of music that I've ever had was probably Y100. Its where I picked up most of the bands I listen to, which are what created most of the things I have thought up. I will say that I'll get over this, but I will say that the radio station helped me become who I am.

Most upsetting is what has become of this now. Yes, there are a few radio stations that I would listen to, but only Y100 played what I -wanted to listen to-. I used to kid that I couldn't imagion moving, because I wouldn't have a source of my music.

I don't know anymore. I feel like shit now, and I have a play to go to with Mom. I feel so blasted unconfortable, and I feel there are so much else that I could be upset about.

End result. It was a radio station. Radio stations change.

But this one ment alot to me, and thats why I get so upset.

To do my duty...

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 01:36:49 GMT

Well, the rest of today went without a hich. Sort of.

I went to the rest of my classes. Nothing special really, I must say. Then came training, where we were training our new manager recruits, and I must say that I wasn't too pleased with how it went. Not to say it didn't go well, I just suppose I had a different idea for it, and in doing so, probably made myself look like an idiot.

A few days ago, Matt, Ben, and I hammered out the things we wanted to teach them in each portion. The first portion was dedicated to the teaching of basic linux commands. I asked if I could cover it, considering I taught a linux class.

Now here is where I have to be honest. Whe I started my training, I knew next to nothing about linux. Like, bearly new commands like cd, mkdir, rm, things like that. So when we did it, I think we did a basic portion, which taught me alot in how to start. I supose I was expecting to teach that, but apparently we weren't. When we got in there, the first thing they taught was "Find", which isn't that easy of a command (Atleast I never taught it in my class). It threw me off wack. I spent the rest of the night trying to help, but generally didn't.

This will suprise some people, especiallly my roomate if he ever read this, but I like order. When I do something, I wanna do it right, because usually if I don't, I end up tangenting out into a million sections. Product of a bouncy mind I suppose. I like moving onto a progression of things, and I especially like throughness.

I'm a very all or nothing person. Either I am something, doing it, being it, and attempting to do it well, or I'm not, and I'm dissassociated, and don't get it done. So, naturally, when I teach something, I want to start from the beginning, and though making an assumption that people don't know anything is rough, it can teach them to pick things up. Thats part of RTFM (Read the $^%@$ manual). Too many things are done half assed. If ya want something done right, you have to put your whole ass into it.

I don't know. Think I worried too much about it. The guys seemed to be taking to it fine. But I know that Ben, Matt, and I can all talk really fast, the synapses in our heads just work like that. But the fact is, that all my sidenoting kinda made me look foolish, and probably israel like. Dr. Isreal is not one of the people I want to aspire to be, she has a habbit of acting...unagreeable. With the rest of the planet.

I can't help but feel foolish sometimes next to Ben and Matt. Both of them had the luck of being able to work in the lab all summer, and reinstall all the computers. Both now have an extreme amount of knowledge in CSCI. Matt is really smart, especially over the summer, and Ben was probably born with the knowledge. Or it seems like it.

And I suppose I might come off as idiotic to them, or atleast a little foolish. I worry about little, non-important things. Things like windows managers, and computer names. I like programming, but its not what I want to do for a living. and I enjoy being creative too, doing things like writing and occassionally drawling. Things uncharacteristic for CSCI I suppose.

While they're working on programs for modling and other things like that, I'm usually mesing around with Enlightenment. They probably don't believe it worthwhile, but if I don't make it well in the Games business, I was considering UI design (user interface). I don't know why, but I like graphics alot more than programs. I do believe that a program should run, and run well, but things become more functional and open when an interface is put onto it, even if a text based interface.

I also know that people are more impressed with graphics and interfaces. People take things on face value, and how they look. You could make really big and complex programs, but if they aren't -really- big and really -complex- and unless you have a few of them, people generally aren't impressed.I like form and design, and geometery, and I like doing it efficiently (thought the commentary of the others probably will mention my efficiency isn't measured in time).

But anyway, I did not feel smart infront of the guys tonight. Hopefully tommarrow is better. I do get the feeling that there is a division in the lab managers, a definate divide, but I'm not stupid enough to mention it here.

I dun know. I'm going to get on WOW for a while, then come back and do my honor to The Scouts.

Relapse

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 15:33:24 GMT

Last night, I had a relapse. I played WOW for 6 hours straight.

Tuesdays and Thursdays are my easy days. I have database on those days, and a lab every other week on Tuesdays. Because they're so undstructured, I think I have a problem keeping myself in order. I think I need to start going into the lab and stuff on those days, to get a sense of accomplishment going.

The day started as I got up earily. I expected to go to lab today, but didn't, apparently. I checked my email, and the professor said we didn't have it today. I was like "sweet". I was up at like 9ish, so I went out and got some breakfast, and figured, also, that maybe I'd get some WOW stuff in (guild maintance stuff), and maybe a bit of playtime in. However, just like every other tuesday, I forgot about the weekly Tuesday maintaince when they bring down all the servers. So, that was a bit frustrating.

I was reading up on some stuff, and updating, when of all people, my roomate came in (haven't seen him since friday). It was nice to see him. He's in One Flew over the koo-koo's nest at the players club, starting on Thursday. He's playing B-B-B-B-Billllly Bit.

It seems the school asked him if he wanted to be an RA. I personally wasn't so sure about that, because if you know my roomate, you'd know that he is a BUSY man. However, the school asked him and another person if they'd be RA's for howell hall, where the media center is. Thats going to be special interest housing for people who want to be on the paper. The plott thickens.

When he orrigonally passed the idea by me, I started thinking about being an RA too. Not to follow in his footsteps, but perhaps to help people out, and at least, get free room. That'd be nice. I do miss the sense of community we had in Turrell.

But anyway, we went to lunch after that, as on tuesdays we usually meet up with the Andrews. We chatted for a bit, and he gave me his version of his opening speech. I had a good laugh, but I'm not sure if his residents would at thier first go. Probably what he was going for.

He told me that he thinks I might make a decent RA. I'm a big guy, scary looking, and have a deep voice. Note that "Scary looking" is not the same as "intimidating", he pointed out my mistake later. :p

So, when I got back, the servers were up, and I started playing. I think I played for a long while, without intending too. I think I played thourgh a bit of database, and then decided to do some work until database was over to hand in my homework. When I got back, I got on again, and my guild mates asked me if I wanted to do a BFD run (instance). I needed to go there, so I did.

We started at 6, and ended at 9. Its a long instance, but a suprsingly short walk (after dying three times, I got to reflect on this). Afte rthat, I went on a recruting run, and got two more members that seem pretty orriented in what we want, but I think it too alot longer than expected. Oi. Z got on, because apparently I left AIM on saying I was at Class, and spammed me out. She wanted me to see her new banner for her company, "lazy beagle productions". It was cute. I'm glad she got me off, becuase it must have been 12:30 when I got off. =le sigh=

Because of this, also, I didn't get to go to the personal trainer. I figgured I'd do it a bit after dinner, but the instance ran longer than I thought. (In previous entries, I said I'd go on monday, but clearly it was packed). We have training tonight for the new managers, and tommarrow, so that means I'll only have time on friday, unless I try to do it on Thursday before class...

That might actually work out. Work out....I just made a funny.

So anyway, because of this, I forgot to do my Writing homework. And it was one I was looking forward too as well.

Had my physics exam this morning, and I think I did ok on it. Just ok. Stupid Gauss can kiss my ass. You'd think after this many years, they could have made his formula easier. Prof. Hoyle was nice enough to give a few of us some extra time, which I tried to utilize well. But then I was 25 minutes late for English, which the teacher definately noticed.

On my rushing out, one of the shoulder straps on my laptop bag gave way, and Audrey (I named my computers for record purposes, and because I believe inadiment objects are real for some reason. Gives a connection. And NO, all my computers have not been female), fell about a foot and a half. Right now, I have her running scan disk, chcking for disk problems, and then finishing the backup that I've been putting off. Scared the crap out of me though, and I'm going to ducktape those freaking straps. I hate how they're always doing that, but I've never dropped the laptop before. It appears though, that I'm lucky today. When it fell, it was only with a mild thud, because the bag is very well padded.

Well, I have training tonight, so I have to be there. It should be interesting. We're going over linux basics, so this is where I tend to shine. Also, when I get back, I'm going to do my special thing I wanted to do yesterday for the anniversery of the boyscouts. I feel bad that I didn't do it yesterday, but I hope maybe to make amense.

Alright, well, see you tonight then.
D

On My Honor.....

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 03:57:49 GMT

Well, today went by fast. I forget how fast a day can go when you have 4 classes. It almost seemed to wizz by me. I did a write up on enlightenment for our training manual. Enlightenment is a windows manager for linux, and I'm one of the leading profits of it.

The buzz of the day was the game last night, and though some people were upset, alot of talk went into how they wasted alot of time last night during the game. I think I might agree with someone, when they said that they were just trying not to get excited. Thats hwne dumb things happen.

However, Philidelphia is still standing, and the Eagles were greeted off the plane by 500 screaming adoring fans. The words on everyone's lips, are "Next year".

After classes though, I had the Scout Banquet. I was a bit late calling, only calling last wednsday, when the thing was due two weeks ago. It was fun being there, though I get some mixed feelings from some of the adults. Dunno. Today, I felt rushed a bit, being overly polite while doing my things, sort of like, I was busy with other things. Didn't want to be like that. Made me feel pompous. But most of the adults don't know how to talk to me anyway. "Hows school?" "What major are you again?" "You're in your second, oh no, third year, right?" Its ok. It just brings more thoughts to mind about what I'm doing in a year and a half.

It was nice to see the guys. They were all so short when I was thier SPL (Senior Patrol Leader), and now, they're all all almost taller than me, and thier voices are like demonic compared to what they used to be. So low. 3 years ago, most of them were around 12-14, and now, they're all grown up. I'm glad to see alot of them are still in the troop. There are a few more that I wish would still be in, but I must say I'm proud of alot of them. Mikey B. is now not only our OA representative, but he is also now a...section head? I forget the term. But he's incharge of alot of the OA stuff in our area. And considering that we're one of the founding places of the Order of the Arrow, thats pretty damn cool. Justin is still in the group, which is good, as he is definately Eagle material (and definatly deserves it after some of the crap he had to put up with as patrol leader). Anthony has definately suprised me, from this, and winter survival. I remember him being as rambunctious as Phil just a few years ago, but he has definately grown up and matured. The Twins still looks similar, and are still as outgoing as ever, thier father apparently buying them both trucks, and they're going to make eagle, and Phil...well. He's Phil. There is many more to mention, but I either don't know how to address them, or they're about the same as I remember.

Tonight, they were all suppost to bring thier hobbies. I'm kinda glad they didn't do this when I was in the troop. I'd probably end up bringing a ton of games that would get alot of looks. My...he has tall spikey hair (FFVII). "Oh look. They all have wings" (Legend of Dragoon). "Thats alot of guns..." (Total Annihilation). Things like that. Either that, or I'd have to drag in my computer, and do websites or something. Even now, I could work forever on a UI customization for Enlightenment, and it would probably not impress many. Flashy things are so hard to make in computers.

Mikey brought his patch collection, and he definatly has alot. I think he goes on these trips for the patches, and really there is nothing wrong with that. He had patches from Hart and Firestone, which are two camps that were close to us. I used to go to Hart alot for merit badges, going to alot of speciality camps. They, however, gave thier lease to the special olympics for 99 years, so doesn't look like we'll be camping there again. Firestone isn't running thier program either do to lack of scouts, and Big Springs, its next door brother, is also falling on some hard times. That leaves TI, which I've never been to.

Phil pulled out photography, which alot of his pictures were really good. I wish I had stayed in Photography in high school. I went to be a Teacher's Aid for Dr. Benton's class on Video production.

And Justin Brought a Frisbee. He likes Ulitmate Frisbee. So while everyone else had a portion of the table set out for themselves...Justin had his frisbee. We all got a good laugh out of it.

During dinner, we passed around letters from Chris Lore. Chris was a Life scout, going on Eagle when I was...a freshman? I met him last year I think, he was a cool guy. But after his Eagle, he immediately joined the service.

His letters were from Iraq, emails he sent home and his parents sent to us. He spoke about how people were taking to americans, and how he did despise some Iraqies. In his letter, he phrased it as that the men would go and just chat with each other while the kids ran around hungry. The mother was in charge of meals and such, and would feed a child till about three, where then they would just let them run around. He talked about how he was tired of the insurgance gurilla tactics, and how him and his squad wish they could just go and take them the hell out.

He also talked about the children, how alot of them were hungry, and he felt bad about it. He said that he was an over giver, getting into trouble with his NCOs for handing out too many MRE's, and how he'd sneak chow bars out from mess and pass them out when he was there. One memorable quote I got from it was when he was describing his normal routine, and who they would and would not talk to. "...we don't talk to the man that spray paints "Kill americans" on the front of his house. We see the men and women who shun thier children away whenever we are giving out candy, but when they aren't looking, I give their kids more candy. Better food in thier stomachs than a rotten tooth for me."

His letter made me reflect on my life so far just a bit. Chris, I believe, is about a year younger than I am. But in reading his letter, it felt like he was 5 years older than me. The marines made him grow up. Alot. I forget sometimes that the people that are over there aren't older than me. Alot of them are younger.

I also had to reflect on the war itself. I'm at Widener, so I'm around alot of ROTC's all the time, but I'm none of the people I know have gone to Iraq from school. The war was almost a distant conflict at school to me.

But then, coming home, I realize how it isn't.

Tim was one of my best friends in scouts. When I first joined 503, it wasn't long before I was his ASPL when he was SPL, and then I think he served as mine for a while. I can't remember. I remember at my Eagle cerimony, he wore a pair of sunglasses in the middle of the church, and in my eagle guard of honor, he acted like he was a secret service agent and I was the president. Some of the crap we did makes me laugh. I used to have alot of nick names for him, mostly to do with his hair strangely enough now that I think about it. I called him blue, after that Blink concert. I called him green weeks later as repeated scrubbings revealed that it wasn't temporary dye. Called him Q-ball when he shaved his head at camp, but most importantly, I called him friend.

I have to admire him. After high school, he joined the local fire department, and recently joined the marines. I think he's shipped out for Iraq already, after such a short time of being home. Tim always wanted to join the marines, so that didn't suprise me. But its when you reflect on it, that you realize he's over there...

Sean, his cousin, and a partner in crime in our little games, joined the marines too. He skipped his family's planed trip for him to Cancoon (I can't believe him) to start his training earily. He too is probably going to go over there..

I used to be a big military buff. Probably can still say I am. But unlike alot of others, I chose not to go into it. Some had to do with my physical condition. Some had to do with my mom saying "Hell no.". Some was out of worry I had a lack of disipline (or people telling me so), but I still wonder what it'd be like, and if I would have followed in that path. I'd probably want to be an Officer, the fool I am. But it still makes me reflect.

Chris Lore, Tim English, and Sean Getz. God speed. Give them hell. Come home well. You're in my thoughts.

So then, we had the court of honor, where we give out the patches and such for the year. I was expecting a mention for my 5 years of Winter survival, but apparently I was in for alot more.

Our scout leader found patches from 2002, from a Valley Forge pilgramage. When my name was called, I was veyr suprised. I didn't remember till I got down what camping trip it was. We had gone out to Valley forge, and took a tour of all the sites around the area. One thing that I remembered was a special stage area they had, were they presented things. The small wooden structure was curved, to amplify sound, and had a small area in the back for people to appear and dissappear as needed for a show. It sits on a beautiful hill, in the middle of a glorious field. A few years back, I was shocked to see that same small building, when the Klan came to town, and demonstrated infront of there. It felt like it was super-imposed. Like seeing aliens infront of the whitehouse. It couldn't be right. I have to go back there some time, and do my part to heal the aura that hate tried to tear.

After that, I was even more suprised to be called up a second time. This time was for my 8 and 9 year service pins. I almost couldn't believe it had been that long that I was in the troop (for good reason, I'll explain), but it made me realize how long I was in the scouts. When I got back down, I realized I hadn't been in the troop that long. THe scout leader had given me my pins from when I first joined the scouts at 11. I'm almost 21 now. That means that I've almost been in the scouts half my life. Its a bigger force than I realized, and I fear sometimes I forgot.

And tommarrow, Febuary 8th, 2005, is the 95th birthday of the Boy Scouts of America. 95 years. Tommarrow I think, I'm going to make a special day I think. I have a few things to hang, and I'll explain more later. So I end tonight, with something I had to memorize 9 years ago.

On my honor,
I will do my best
To Do my Duty,
To god, and my country
To obey the scout law
To help other people at all times
To keep myself Physically strong
Mentally awake
And morally straight

A scout is
Trustworthy
Loyal
Helpful
Friendly
Courtious
Kind
Obediant
Cheerful
Thrifty
Brave
Clean
And Reverent.

Damn

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 04:07:21 GMT

Well. The Eagles lost. And I can hear the riots outside.

Doesn't suprise me really. The riots I mean. We are a town who loves our teams. If they won, we'd be doing the same thing.

Though the game was sloppy, I'm not really dissappointed in them. Both teams were a bit sloppy, The Patriots are a very good team, and I suppose I'm still going through my detactment.

I'll explain

Ever since I was little, when I watch a game, they'd always seem to loose. I used to go to Eagles games when I was a kid. They weren't winners then. Phillies games too. Same.

When the Phillies won the pennent last time, I watched all the games of the World Series. I watched in dissappointment, as that last pitch put it over the statuim wall. And I did cry that night.

Over the years, I've become detached to sports. While that happened, Philly teams got alot better. So when the Eagles were finally one game away from the superbowl, I did what most of the city does. Put on an Eagle's Tee shirt, and rooted my freaking head off.

And they lost

Next year, Came to the same game. put on the shirt again.

And they lost again.

So I came to the determination that the more I don't pay attention to them, the better off they'll do. Its some kinda karma thing, were the whole town would hop on the bandwagon at the last minute, punishing the guys who were always rooting for them. So, I decided that my part was to pay attention to them as little as possible.

I didn't even know we were going to the superbowl until the night when it snowed, and guys started setting off fireworks. I thought we were another step towards the superbowl, but the next day, the Eagles commericals were on, and I knew they were going to the superbowl.

So, thusly, I tried to stay neutral still. I didn't care (which was funny, because by being neutral, I had a conviction that was what was causing the winnings streak). But then, I figured, I'd go watch the superbowl with a few friends.

When I went home, Mom suggested that perhaps we should make cookies. So we pulled out the pillsberry and start cooking. But then she pulls something else out.

An eagles shirt in my size.

Now, at first, I wasn't going to accept it. This was how it was suppost to go. I was to be neutral. Can't be neutral when I'm wearing thier freaking shirt now can I? But how can I root on a team without having a shirt? But I wasn't rooting for them...but I was!? This conversation went on in my head. You thought it was bad for you. I grabbed it before I left.

This morning, I awoke, and dawned on the shirt. Didn't watch anything superbowl related, and spent the day IMing. Lucas mentioned something aobut the eagles, and I shunned him badly. I was still trying to remain neutral.

So 5:30 rolls around, and I headed over to Andrews. It was fun being over there, and seeing everyone. I ate, and ate well, smiled, and remained neutral for the first half. They were tied then. I tried to do the same, and they were tied at the third.

Alls going well. But I guess I got too excited. and in doing that, the Pats got a touchdown, and then a kick.

Damn.

I was getting nervious. My hands were running through my hair like nobodies business. My feet were sweeting, so I took off my shoes, but then sat on my feet so they wouldn't start to smell. Its coming down to the wire, and Joe yells something about changing positions. He moves over to where I was sitting, and someone takes his place. I sat on the arm of the chair.

As he was taking off his jersey and putting it inside out, and after watching andrew take his jersey off that he had blessed before the game (he was taking it off whenever there was commericals or no gameplay), I came to realized that I too wasn't following my tradition.

So, I'm dead set, and I know, I'm not being neutral at all. So. In my rush to help out the team, I close my eyes. I was chewing on my tail, and litterally screaming in my mind "NEUTRAL! NEUTRAL!" as the crowd startetd to chear louder and louder.

Then they scored a touchdown, and my eyes SHOT open. We were down by three points. So what did I do? I continued my hairchewing meditation, eyes closed, still saying "Neutral!".

Timeouts, out of bounds, and a bunch of other things later, we were close..but not close enough. Damn. And now, I feel strangly un-upset, but more hopping that everyone in there doesn't think I was some kinda idiot...becuase I definatly didn't realize what I was doing. I'm not upset, because I know what I need to do next year. That is, not watch anything. I know they're going to the superbowl next year. We have a good team. And it took us 20 years to get close, then 2 years to get it right, and next year, I think we'll win it. That, or the year after it.

So now, I'm going to watch American Dad and the simpsons.

Though, it startles me that Lewis Black was right. I used to watch some of the half time shows and superbowls when I was a kid. The commericals were the spectical. But now. They make no sense. There were three comericals we liked, and some of them were just wrong. The first was the one with the girl and the "almost malfuction", the second was the ford comerical...the first time. And the one where it was "Tommarrow, we all are undefeated again", were all the NFL team members were singing. Other than that, most of it was crap. Cars and websites and morgages. No SPECTACULAR COMMERICALS. Mostly just what we normally see.

Some of the Pepsi comericals were good too, the Head turning one was fun, but ya got the feeling that they were really putting out for the superbowl. There were more advertisments for pepsi than there was for gametime.

And the monkeys were good too. But I'm digressing.

Now, if you're paying THAT much for airtime, what the hell are you doing putting on another stupid fugging commerical? Please?!

And Paul McCartney was good. He was, I will admit it. However, we had to be reminded of it 9 times. Then, we were taking bets on who would come out and play with him. We had things going from Linkin Park to carboard Beatles members (including Ringo). I said Rick James. We all lost though. Nobody came out and played with him. I said it was Fox's way of showing they weren't going to do anything. "ITS McCARTNEY! NO WARDROBE MALFUCTIONS!" Though, I said he had a chastity belt on for if his pants fell down.

But really. Every freaking minute they had, there was commercials. And not really good ones either. Thats really not that fair. I remeber watching the superbowl for the commericals. There wasn't even a Nike commerical. What the hell is up with that?

Oh well. I'm gonna go watch the Simpsons.

Fly Eagles Fly, on the road to victory.
And I promise next year
I won't watch again.

You do your part
And I'll do mine

Discovery

Sun, 06 Feb 2005 03:29:01 GMT

Well, I've wondered about it, and am considering becoming one of those people who writes in thier live journals every day. Or atleast update frequently. I'm even considering customizing. Depends on how much I get into it. I need to start developing habits in my life, and this one doesn't seem that harmful. Yet.

Well, I can say that this week was one of interest. I found out alot of things. Some good. Some bad. Some of it today, some of it over the course of the week. Some I knew. Some I didn't. Some I needed to -relearn-.

Over the course of this week, I realized fully that I am addicted to WOW. Like Bad addicted. Not joking anymore. However, I don't want to just -quit- it. Yeah, someone's reading this and thinking "Addicted and not wanting to quit, ya. Some realization he had". But truthfully, its a game. Its not smoking, and its not drugs or anything else. I can get too excited over some things, and I think this was one of them. I've ben regulating my time on it, usually allocating a few hours a day on it. ITs turnning out pretty well. In order to aviod thinking about it and playing it all the time, I've been trying to schedule myself out, to do other things and feel responcible, so I just don't come in and flop down infornt of the computer...to play anyway.

I went home today, to gather things and whatnot, a restocking if you will. I like going home, because its a change from life at Widener. Nice food, comfortable living space, I get to see Abby (our dog) and water that doesn't have a metallic aftertaste. Afterwards we were going over to my grandmothers, so we were trying to be a bit expedient (didn't work, but nothing new).

I found out something interesting while we were driving over there. I do like talking to my mom, its fun to catch up on things, and we're both good for a laugh. She really needs it, and I've alwas believed there is a joke that can bring a smile to anyone's face at anytime. But we were talking, and giggling, and I'm not sure how it came up, but she told me that I was born via C-Section.

Now, this is nothing earth shattering, and I suppose its not exactly something you throw on a kid...but it makes me think a bit. Its not like 20 years later, she just threw something out like "We need milk, oh, and by the way Dan, you were adopted", but it makes me feel different. Well. More different anyway. Like an omen to wanting to be unique..or a sign of purpose. It just feels strange.

My parents tried to have a child about a year before they had me, and she miscarried. Apparently, when my mom went into the hospital, and they told her there were complecations. They told her that I might survive normal child birth, but a C-section would be better. However, she wouldn't be able to have any more children, probably. She told me that there was no other decision that she would take, and thusly, thats how I came into the world. She said that the last thing she remembered was them saying "Its a boy!...Its a big boy!" before she blacked out.

She gave up the chance to have other children. For me. It makes me realize how much I love my mother, and how I couldn't imagon life without her.

But in all manners of speaking, there was a comic point on it. My mother has always had low blood pressure, and I had to be some kind of asshole and found my comfortable spot on the main artery that runs up her back. So, I've found out that I've always been a pain in the ass. Hehe.

While we were at my grandmothers, we were goofing off and someone pulled out my grandmothers blood-pressure device (our family always seems to have these interesting sorts of devices). So, my mother tries hers on, and finds out hers is low. Nothing new.

I put it on mine, and though I ran up the stairs for something, I foudn out that I was borderline normal, and almost mildly hypertensive. The book was also a few years old, and apparently new standards had been put in. Nice to hear.

Now, I'm a pretty big guy. Not a huge guy, but I'm pretty tall (or so people tell me, though I can never reach anything on a high shelf), and I have a pretty wide build. (I have also always known that at birth, I weighed a healthy ten pounds, ten ounces) But I've also accumulated a decent amount of "sitting on my ass" pounds that could be shed, and I'm not exactly a healthy eater. Years of scout camp food have given me the ability to digest my trackball if I feel like it, or atleast stomach it. I have, though, mantained the same weight for the past two to three years, give or take 3 pounds.

Though, while on the ride back to widener, my mom and I were talking again. And she was talking about how there have been links to keeping fit and alzhiemers.

My grandfather was Diagnosed with Alzhiemers a few years ago after his knee surgery. His arteries were almost 90% blocked, and he has been getting worse ever since. In less than 4 years, a man that I had learned to respect had fallen into depravity. He only sleeps, eats, and shits. He doesn't remember anything. He insists on having control of the TV, and then stares at anything on it, not even really watching it. He doesn't get dressed anymore, wearing only boxers and occasionally pants when my mother comes over. He repeats the same things over and over (most famous tagline is "Oh Henri", calling out my grandmothers name at any point, from being bored to pooping). He has dementia, so he has trouble seeing whats real and whats not, and to top it off, he's driven my grandmother a foot into her grave. Alzhiemers isn't just about forgetting things, and I hate when people say that. Alzhiemers is so much worse than just being forgetful.

I'm a huge advocate of against people taking thier own lives. People get depressed, and people say "I'm going to comit suicide." However, people don't realize what that does to other people, and the losses that they create and the hurt they put on those they love when they do that. However, after seeing my grandfather like that, I know that I'd rather put a gun in my mouth and fire before I put anyone I love through that.

I'm a thinker. I've always prided myself that my brain can take the place of any physical deficentcy I have. I can't shoot hoops, but given three times, I can probably make a basket at a distance. I've always been a quick thinker, using whatever is available to help in a situation, and I think I've even saved a life or two with it.

However, its become a new drive to become healthy and fit. I consider my mind the most precious thing I have....and if I were to lose that like my grandfather...it'd be a fate worse than death for me. It scares me. I can be a jumpy person, but there are very few things that -scare- me. I'm seeing the school's personal trainer on monday.

Well, tommarrow is superbowl sunday. And I have cookies for our party. I hope they remember. I try not to be one of those people who just jump on the bandwagon when the team is going well, so I'm not saying anything else other than I live in Philly.

See you all later!

Bad Karma

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 00:23:20 GMT

For the last few days, I feel as if everything has come to a head, and some karmic event that I've done has seen to it that irony takes full stabs at me.

One of my best friends recently got WOW, the game I've been adicted too for months. She got it almost a week ago, and because of Winter survival, and other things, I've missed her. And she is kicking ass. I'm afraid I can't keep up with her.

I also feel bad, because she went out and got this game to play with me, or atleast that being a primary reason. I played it constantly, and she waited for me. Now, in some sort of ironic twist, I've been too busy to be on to play with her, while she still waits for me.

In other news, I think I need to clone myself, or get more memory. I find myself unable to do things some times, because of others. Its not thier fault, and I really wish I could be there for everyone..but I don't know anyore. I don't feel as useful as I used to be

Today was a shitfest. I woke up, after finding out last night about my friend. Internet doesn't work. I woke up at 9:20. I spent until 4:20 trying to get the fugging thing working again. I was almost at the point of dissassembling the router itself. Audrey's too lost (my laptop) to want to connect correctly, and my mom's old computer doesn't seem to like to do anything right anymore. After coming up with the apphony of re-configuring the router, I ended up doing it like 6 times because of minor mishapps with the damn thing. Then, when I finally get it working to a significant point, the damn thing stops working, and I had to do it yet again.

Now, I'm confused. A good friend of mine is now waiting for me on WOW,and she's been doing this for so long that it'd be criminal for me not to help, but another friend pops up, who is extremely depressed, and she wants to Roleplay. It hurts, because I've been thinking about her for the last few days, and I really wanted to RP with her at some time, but after working so long on getting this network up, I'm just in the mood to kill something, before my WOW friend gets ahead of me in levels and stuff.

Its all coming to a head. Why? Wish I knew. I might edit this to give more clarity, but I'm so confused I don't know what to do anymore.

WAGA

Tue, 30 Nov 2004 15:45:31 GMT

Never give up. Never Surrender

Tue, 30 Nov 2004 15:27:24 GMT

I can't believe it, but not only am I updating this thing for the third time, but I realized yesterday that I am an addict. An addict to a game I can't even play. Thats right kids. World of Warcraft.

Game cards don't come out for another few days, and thusly I am stuck here to wait until then. However it occured to me in some sort of simplistic way, that I was an addict. Maybe it was the shakey hands. Maybe it was the constant checking of the sites for news on the game cards. I don't know, I'm not a doctor. But I'll tell you what didn't kill her. Ciggeretes.
[/peter Griffon]

So thusly, I've determined of myself that I shall be all that I can be, and not give into the fate. I need to keep myself regimented, and thats exactly what I'll do. Keep myself in line, because finals are coming up, and I can't screw this up. I can't.

Fairy Tales and Vampires

Tue, 27 Jan 2004 19:12:05 GMT

Hey everybody,
Today was great, snow is on the ground, more is coming from the sky, and I had a great day. Today in Fairy Tales and Vampires, we discussed Little Red Riding hood and its varients, and I think I brought up some excellent points, and got alot of laughs, which is my general purpose in life, to make people smile :-D

Twas fun, talking about all the different things that Little Red Riding hood is, but it was more fun to discuss what it used to be. On a page and a half story (maybe less) called "The grandmothers Tale" which was one of the orrigonal connotations of Little Red Riding Hood, we spent almost the entire time talking on it and its varient, mostly I think due to Yours truely making some excellent remarks :D.

I really love the class, its alot of ufn, and if its ever offered, your an idiot not to take it. Well cool beans, talk to you later

Woot

Mon, 19 Jan 2004 19:04:38 GMT

Tis my first livejournal. Coool ain't I?

What Kind of Geek are You?
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
Your IQ is	high
You are a	gamer geek
Your strength is	you can see in the dark
Your weakness is	alcohol
You think normal people are	aliens
Normal people think that you are	disturbed

This QuickKwiz by owlsamantha - Taken 139423 Times. </a>