Addicted to Function( )

Current Mood: Ponderous
Current Music: Takes my pain away-Jimmy Eat World

Well, I can say that this week was one of interest. I found out alot of things. Some good. Some bad. Some of it today, some of it over the course of the week. Some I knew. Some I didn't. Some I needed to -relearn-.

Over the course of this week, I realized fully that I am addicted to WOW. Like Bad addicted. Not joking anymore. However, I don't want to just -quit- it. Yeah, someone's reading this and thinking "Addicted and not wanting to quit, ya. Some realization he had". But truthfully, its a game. Its not smoking, and its not drugs or anything else. I can get too excited over some things, and I think this was one of them. I've ben regulating my time on it, usually allocating a few hours a day on it. ITs turnning out pretty well. In order to aviod thinking about it and playing it all the time, I've been trying to schedule myself out, to do other things and feel responcible, so I just don't come in and flop down infornt of the computer...to play anyway.

I went home today, to gather things and whatnot, a restocking if you will. I like going home, because its a change from life at Widener. Nice food, comfortable living space, I get to see Abby (our dog) and water that doesn't have a metallic aftertaste. Afterwards we were going over to my grandmothers, so we were trying to be a bit expedient (didn't work, but nothing new).

I found out something interesting while we were driving over there. I do like talking to my mom, its fun to catch up on things, and we're both good for a laugh. She really needs it, and I've alwas believed there is a joke that can bring a smile to anyone's face at anytime. But we were talking, and giggling, and I'm not sure how it came up, but she told me that I was born via C-Section.

Now, this is nothing earth shattering, and I suppose its not exactly something you throw on a kid...but it makes me think a bit. Its not like 20 years later, she just threw something out like "We need milk, oh, and by the way Dan, you were adopted", but it makes me feel different. Well. More different anyway. Like an omen to wanting to be unique..or a sign of purpose. It just feels strange.

My parents tried to have a child about a year before they had me, and she miscarried. Apparently, when my mom went into the hospital, and they told her there were complecations. They told her that I might survive normal child birth, but a C-section would be better. However, she wouldn't be able to have any more children, probably. She told me that there was no other decision that she would take, and thusly, thats how I came into the world. She said that the last thing she remembered was them saying "Its a boy!...Its a big boy!" before she blacked out.

She gave up the chance to have other children. For me. It makes me realize how much I love my mother, and how I couldn't imagon life without her.

But in all manners of speaking, there was a comic point on it. My mother has always had low blood pressure, and I had to be some kind of asshole and found my comfortable spot on the main artery that runs up her back. So, I've found out that I've always been a pain in the ass. Hehe.

While we were at my grandmothers, we were goofing off and someone pulled out my grandmothers blood-pressure device (our family always seems to have these interesting sorts of devices). So, my mother tries hers on, and finds out hers is low. Nothing new.

I put it on mine, and though I ran up the stairs for something, I foudn out that I was borderline normal, and almost mildly hypertensive. The book was also a few years old, and apparently new standards had been put in. Nice to hear.

Now, I'm a pretty big guy. Not a huge guy, but I'm pretty tall (or so people tell me, though I can never reach anything on a high shelf), and I have a pretty wide build. (I have also always known that at birth, I weighed a healthy ten pounds, ten ounces) But I've also accumulated a decent amount of "sitting on my ass" pounds that could be shed, and I'm not exactly a healthy eater. Years of scout camp food have given me the ability to digest my trackball if I feel like it, or atleast stomach it. I have, though, mantained the same weight for the past two to three years, give or take 3 pounds.

Though, while on the ride back to widener, my mom and I were talking again. And she was talking about how there have been links to keeping fit and alzhiemers.

My grandfather was Diagnosed with Alzhiemers a few years ago after his knee surgery. His arteries were almost 90% blocked, and he has been getting worse ever since. In less than 4 years, a man that I had learned to respect had fallen into depravity. He only sleeps, eats, and shits. He doesn't remember anything. He insists on having control of the TV, and then stares at anything on it, not even really watching it. He doesn't get dressed anymore, wearing only boxers and occasionally pants when my mother comes over. He repeats the same things over and over (most famous tagline is "Oh Henri", calling out my grandmothers name at any point, from being bored to pooping). He has dementia, so he has trouble seeing whats real and whats not, and to top it off, he's driven my grandmother a foot into her grave. Alzhiemers isn't just about forgetting things, and I hate when people say that. Alzhiemers is so much worse than just being forgetful.

I'm a huge advocate of against people taking thier own lives. People get depressed, and people say "I'm going to comit suicide." However, people don't realize what that does to other people, and the losses that they create and the hurt they put on those they love when they do that. However, after seeing my grandfather like that, I know that I'd rather put a gun in my mouth and fire before I put anyone I love through that.

I'm a thinker. I've always prided myself that my brain can take the place of any physical deficentcy I have. I can't shoot hoops, but given three times, I can probably make a basket at a distance. I've always been a quick thinker, using whatever is available to help in a situation, and I think I've even saved a life or two with it.

However, its become a new drive to become healthy and fit. I consider my mind the most precious thing I have....and if I were to lose that like my grandfather...it'd be a fate worse than death for me. It scares me. I can be a jumpy person, but there are very few things that -scare- me. I'm seeing the school's personal trainer on monday.

Well, tommarrow is superbowl sunday. And I have cookies for our party. I hope they remember. I try not to be one of those people who just jump on the bandwagon when the team is going well, so I'm not saying anything else other than I live in Philly.

See you all later!